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Family Reflections

Deciding about Home Ventilation

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    • 1: Considering the Options
    • 2: Talking with your Doctors
    • 3: Life at Home
    • 4: Relationships
    • 5: Your Child’s Experience
    • 6: If Your Child’s Life is Short
    • How can you apply this to your child?
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Relationship changes and challenges

RelationshipsTopic 4A

Relationship changes and challenges

Your relationship with your spouse, partner, or other co-parent may change — no matter what decision you make. These changes can sometimes be difficult to predict.

You can listen to two different family experiences below.

Marta & Tomas

Tomas leaving for work. Marta staying home to care for Miguel and Sammy.

“I thought Miguel’s medical problems were going to tear us apart, but we have actually grown closer…”

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Marta: I thought Miguel’s medical problems were going to tear us apart, but we have actually grown closer. Tomas works, and I’m home with the kids. Our oldest son Sammy is very active, although he tries to be quiet! He is always bouncing around, getting into this and that, and I admit I turn on the TV for him sometimes more than I’d like, so I can concentrate on Miguel. Miguel gets so excited to be in the middle of everything – he doesn’t have any voice with the trach but you can tell by his eyes and how he smiles how excited he gets when we talk to him. Sammy is already learning some sign language and is trying to teach Miguel.

Tomas: We’re definitely both more tired these days. I go to work early in the morning, then I come back and take over for Marta and immediately it’s getting Miguel’s food ready and hooking him up to his feeding pump, suctioning him, changing his diaper and making sure he’s comfortable. Then I’m thinking about playing with him and with Sammy too. By the time I actually am able to be a father and a husband, there’s not much time left over for me at all. Having a sick child can really cause a lot of stress! Marta and I are both so tired all the time that we can snap at each other.

Marta: Mostly we argue about planning, because my husband is not a planner at all! We clash about who’s going stay up all night with Miguel when the nurse calls out or who’s going suction him all night when he’s sick. It’s usually me who ends up doing it because Tomas has to work the next day, but we try to take turns. It can be frustrating, and exhausting, but we have managed to keep our marriage together.

John

John looking at photo of Ruby.

“After Ruby came out sick, things just fell apart between us…”

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John: After Ruby came out so sick, well, things just fell apart between us – Ruby’s mom and me. Ruby was a total surprise for us, we weren’t trying to have kids. Ruby’s mom, she has her own health issues with her lupus, she has a hard time getting around and taking care of herself. We were living together before Ruby was born but Ruby’s mom lives with her sister and her kids now.

With all that going on, Ruby’s care was going to fall to me for sure; Ruby would have had to live with me since her mom doesn’t have a place of her own. I have a good job, I make plenty of money so that wasn’t the issue. But I travel all the time for work, I visit companies that use our technology, so I’m gone probably four or five months of the year.

It just wouldn’t work. Who would be there for Ruby? I would have had to quit and try to find a new job, but there aren’t many jobs in this part of the state. Looking at the whole picture, her mom and I were on the same page that a home vent was not right for Ruby.

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BiPAP

Bilevel Positive Airway Pressure: A machine that helps a person breathe by pushing air, and sometimes oxygen, through a mask. Straps keep the mask in place on the face.

Palliative Care

Palliative care aims to reduce a child’s pain or discomfort. Palliative care also helps families consider what is most important to them. Palliative care specialists provide an extra layer of support for children with serious illness and their families.

More about Chayton...

Chayton is 6 years old and uses a feeding tube and wheelchair because of muscle weakness. His parents did not want him to go through the surgery for a trach. He has been able to use BiPAP to help him breathe at home with his Mom, Dad, and older brothers.

More about Chayton...

Chayton is 6 years old and uses a feeding tube and wheelchair because of muscle weakness. His parents did not want him to go through the surgery for a trach. He has been able to use BiPAP to help him breathe at home with his Mom, Dad, and older brothers.

More about Vivian...

Vivian is 4 years old, and had heart surgery as a baby. Then she got pneumonia when she was 2 years old, and couldn’t leave the hospital without a trach and ventilator. Her Mom and Dad wanted her home, and learned to take care of her home vent.

More about Vivian...

Vivian is 4 years old, and had heart surgery as a baby. Then she got pneumonia when she was 2 years old, and couldn’t leave the hospital without a trach and ventilator. Her Mom and Dad wanted her home, and learned to take care of her home vent.

More about Ashley...

Ashley’s parents knew before she was born that she would have many serious health problems, including trouble breathing. Morgan and Matt were given options by their medical team. They knew Ashley’s life would be short, even with a ventilator. They chose to take her home with hospice care. Ashley died at home with her family when she was 3 months old.

More about Ashley...

Ashley’s parents knew before she was born that she would have many serious health problems, including trouble breathing. Morgan and Matt were given options by their medical team. They knew Ashley’s life would be short, even with a ventilator. They chose to take her home with hospice care. Ashley died at home with her family when she was 3 months old.

More about Devin...

Devin is 8 years old and has cerebral palsy and scoliosis. He uses a wheelchair and a feeding tube. When he started to have trouble breathing, not everyone agreed about doing the trach and home ventilator. But his mom believed it was the best thing for Devin. Her aunt helps her care for him at home.

More about Devin...

Devin is 8 years old and has cerebral palsy and scoliosis. He uses a wheelchair and a feeding tube. When he started to have trouble breathing, not everyone agreed about doing the trach and home ventilator. But his mom believed it was the best thing for Devin. Her aunt helps her care for him at home.

More about Ruby...

Ruby was born prematurely and her lungs didn’t fully develop. After being sick for months in the hospital, her parents decided that a home ventilator was not right for Ruby and would not work for their family. She was removed from the hospital ventilator and she died in her father’s arms.

More about Miguel...

Miguel was born prematurely with very fragile lungs. When he was 6 months old his parents chose to for him to have a trach and home vent so he could leave the hospital sooner. He is 9 months old now, and lives with his Mom, Dad, and very active older brother.

More about Miguel...

Miguel was born prematurely with very fragile lungs. When he was 6 months old his parents chose to for him to have a trach and home vent so he could leave the hospital sooner. He is 9 months old now, and lives with his Mom, Dad, and very active older brother.

More about Ruby...

Ruby was born prematurely and her lungs didn’t fully develop. After being sick for months in the hospital, her parents decided that a home ventilator was not right for Ruby and would not work for their family. She was removed from the hospital ventilator and she died in her father’s arms.

Ventilator (or "Vent")

A machine that helps a person breathe by pushing air, and sometimes oxygen, through a tube in the throat. This is sometimes called a “breathing machine.”

Tracheostomy (or "Trach")

A tube that goes through the throat and into the airway. A ventilator can be hooked up to a tracheostomy.